Bored With The Bard

Bored with the Bard. Now, give me something new!
Preferably with witty metaphors.
Romance imbued intrigue -- its lusty dew
should sweeten the resolving of old scores.
Pose existential questions with panache;
the reader must find answers on their own.
Revive old monarchs, though they are awash
in blood they've spilled while questing for the throne.
That's all I ask, is that a bit too hard?
Can you not, in a modern repertoire,
discover a companion to the Bard,
find someone that at least is on a par?
I'm sure you can, in two shakes of a spear.
Please do, and let me know, I'll stay right here.