Limerick

In Limerick and in Nantucket
They'll spin you a verse by the bucket
when challenged with orange
they'll door hinge and bow range
and some might just pilfer
your gold and your silver
when asked where it's at, they'll say suck it

I wanted to be like a man
not all went according to plan
I am plenty real
but must watch my zeal
or parts of me tend to expand

I wish I could be understood
Geppetto raised me to be good
though some joke --  like: TIMBER!
I'm trending on Tinder
can't beat a reliable wood

Author notes: image from Flickr https://allpoetry.com/contest/2796974-Double-Limerick-to-Pic

a critic, admiring Voltaire
and thinking himself debonair
had wanted a look
that no one mistook
for someone just lacking in hair

he searched long and hard for a wig
from horse hair and even from twig
none looked as good -- worn
as the one from popped corn
he named it his thingamajig

Author notes: https://allpoetry.com/contest/2795124-Double-Limerick-to-pic

there was, in fair Kalamazoo
no circus, no fair and no zoo
at last, that town's dwellers
all humorless fellas
demanded a zoo, or they'll sue

the magistrate, unsympathetic
imbued with a certain aesthetic
he said: you shall rue
and no kangaroo!
the lawsuit's dismissed, it's pathetic

Author notes: https://allpoetry.com/contest/2794862-A-Double-Limerick

there once were a Fabulous Four
the world quickly came to adore
they twisted and shouted
Ed Sullivan touted
as they led the British ashore

McCartney, said my wife -- to tease
for him I would leave you, my squeeze
he tucks on my strings
I said -- if he flings
ok, get an autograph please

Author notes: https://allpoetry.com/contest/2789669-Another-Cheval-Prompt-Double-Limerick Cheval art

the judge read aloud from the Docket:
The People of Limerick pocket
due proceeds aplenty
we don't get a penny
Sincerely, the folks from Nantucket

Author notes: https://allpoetry.com/contest/2791239-Limerick

the man had to be from Nantucket
so put back your phone in your pocket
how your oversized brain
wrote a ditty this plain
I'm not sure, but your science's not rocket

Author notes: https://allpoetry.com/contest/2790175-Limerick-Battle--7

Old Solomon's son, Rehoboam
attempted to rule via poem
his meter and rhyming
had no sense of timing
The Israelites overthrow him

Author notes: https://allpoetry.com/contest/2790491-Legitimate--Literate-Limericks

if practice made perfect, my friend
if edit, re-edit, amend
was all that was needed
to prove I succeeded
then many a classic I've penned

Author notes: https://allpoetry.com/contest/2789082-Oh-no--Not-another-Limerick

Napoleon, he Bonaparte
the emperor did play his part
whenever forlorn
he'd tout his own horn
reciting Russo and Descartes

he wore only custom made socks
refusing clothes shipped in a box
his generous jailer
provided a tailor
an emperor's life in the stocks

Author notes: https://allpoetry.com/contest/2787040-Medieval-Double-Limerick

in life -- shrugged the stoic Ms. Hatter
there are very few things that matter
the rest -- mincing words
is food for the birds
watch out, cause their droppings do splatter

she said this, and looked at me thus
as if to convey -- what's the fuss
her eyes were unswerving
I found it unnerving
and hastily made for the bus

Author notes: image by Txema Yeste- https://allpoetry.com/contest/2787182-A-Dark- Double-Limerick--Prompt-

the trouble with being a pirate
though I must say I do admire it
you must train your parrot
to have proper merit
and curse in a way that'll inspire it

the trouble with having a parrot
especially one you inherit
if it's previous owners
talked wenches and boners
and double entendres for carrot

Author notes: wc 54 https://allpoetry.com/contest/2788219-Pirate-in-a-Crows-Nest---Double-Limerick

Who goes there? -- the man from Nantucket
I see. And what's that in your pocket?
That's surely a gun? --
Of those, I have none,
a plug that's in search of a socket

Author notes: https://allpoetry.com/contest/2787361-2021-Form-Poetry-Rounds---September thought it'd be fun to combine the two comedy tropes (i.e. is that a gun in your pocket and the cliché limerick)

the wolf's labored huffing and puffing
(the canine, you see, wasn't bluffing)
did blow his house down
he got out of town
decided t'was time for some roughing

the mud is his earthly salvation
he dove in without hesitation
now if he finds a sow
he is ready to plow
and live as befits his own station

Author notes: https://allpoetry.com/contest/2786841-A-Piggy-Double-Limerick

I'm clever by half for their traps
though one time I did have a lapse
you see -- it was blue
this cheese had a hue
and I tried to sample some scraps

I touched it and promptly got caught!
my speedy reflexes for naught
ah, that gorgonzola
I love it with cola
the trap was humane, that they bought

Author notes: https://allpoetry.com/contest/2786608-A-CHEESEY-Double-Limerick

at first, he was called simply Bruce
for reasons that are quite obtuse
they changed his first name
to David, when tame
and Bruce fell into full disuse

At least so it was on TV
But Norton, and Ruffalo’s spree
Restored the old name
Our Hulk, still the same
When angry, he’s something to see

Author notes: https://allpoetry.com/contest/2785397-Incredible-Hulk---Double-Limerick

our vampire, his name nosferatu
the rumor says truly forgot to
suck blood on occasion
his new persuasion
suggests that he really ought not to

and now he is just skin and bones
he’s selling whatever he owns
and looks for a portal
to make him a mortal
stopped charging top interest on loans

Author notes: https://allpoetry.com/contest/2784720-A-Dark-Double-Limerick

I swear you are making me curse
with this here pedestrian verse
It's not such a crime
occasionally -- rhyme!
Your poems will be non the worse

Author notes: https://allpoetry.com/contest/2784530-Limericks-

I queried the gods of creation
And granted, with latent frustration
Will SHE marry me
I’m cute as can be
And frankly I’m bored with flirtation

The gods didn't offer assistance
ignoring my dogged persistence
but what can I say
this dog had its day
we now lead a joyful existence

Author notes: https://allpoetry.com/contest/2784583-A-Challenging-Double-Limerick image from Alamy

Old George lives Galapagos style
He's been quite the same for a while
But his female friend
evolved in the end
Refusing the walk down the isle

Author notes: https://allpoetry.com/contest/2784502-Lonesome-George---Limerick

I love quiet walks by the beach
The waves churn the sand out of reach
Then all of a sudden
The water will flood in
And you jump away with a screech

Author notes: https://allpoetry.com/contest/2783788-Limericks-about-Nature

"But sir, I’m not here for the money”
Her voice sounding sweeter than honey
"There’s no need to nod
I just need your blood
Shades closed please, it’s getting too sunny"

Author notes: Pic credit to tumblr.com "American Money Women" https://allpoetry.com/contest/2784058-A-Demonic-Dark-Limerick

There once was an ignorant joker
He thought he was decent at poker
Then a lady appeared
And he was promptly reared
He had to reach out to his broker

“Oh, why must you be such a clown?
And you’ve just arrived in the town!”
“Her deuces were wild
And I was beguiled
Besides, she was wearing her crown!”

Author notes: https://allpoetry.com/contest/2783453-The-Jester---Double-Limerick jokers and queens and poker of course

You won’t look a day over twenty
It’ll cost you but hardly a penny
Putting pearls on a pig
Not the easiest gig
But lipstick? Of that we have plenty

Author notes: https://allpoetry.com/contest/2782867-The-Lipstick-Limerick---Fun-write

The wannabe mime failed his class
No talking allowed thus, alas
His great “show & tell”
Just didn’t compel
And didn’t achieve him a pass

He thought he might try for some rhymes
Some clever ones, not verbal crimes
His frustrated yell
“I must show, not tell?!?!”
Reminds us of us, oftentimes

Author notes: sometimes, a limerick is just the right form

She told me: “you live in a bubble
To me you’ve been nothing but trouble
I plead, I beseech
You just hang on the beach
Get out of my house on the double"

I gave her a sarcastic “preach”
So tired of her rusty speech
I went to the shore
In my bubble once more
I’m sure she’ll find someone to teach

Author notes: https://allpoetry.com/contest/2781711-Beach-Bubble-Double-Limerick