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Go on and flash your enigmatic smile.
No teeth today?  No, no, I understand.
Those walrus dentures, they do take a while,
and once you've had those, you tend to depend
on chewability that simply can't be beaten.
You may have heard that I invented those.
Without them, it's as if you haven't eaten.
Don't have to tell me, I am one who knows.
But still, what shall we tell your many fans?
They surely will expect a proper portrait.
Will they surmise the trouble at a glance?
Or worse, assume you simply can't afford it?
Eureka!  We shall say that this is how
you always smile.  And they?  They'll just say "wow!".

"Make sure your poem has a meter",
the teacher said in English class,
and claimed: if it is to be literature
it must be written thus.
A poem's not a game of inches;
it stretches, shrinks, offends and pinches,
though it is easier to perform
if it conforms to proper norm.
The good news? I don't need a ruler.
My telephone can measure length,
requiring no skill or strength.
So let him call out, Bueller, Bueller.
He'll get a poem, one of mine,
and ending on the fourteenth line.


Author notes: Pushkin style sonnet.  The entry to Eugene Onegin is "My Uncle, of the strictest morals"