Poems

I need to go to Chinatown”
I tell my closest friend
"An errand for my folks – don’t frown
you know they cannot fend
We’ll get it done and then we’re free
we’ll hit a Village bar
Perhaps it’ll turn into a spree
and we can take their car!”

We’re seventeen, so car, and drive
are words beyond compare
We get to town, park by some dive
There’s duck sauce in the air
I have my fake ID with me
Besides, no one will card
Those were the days when we were free
Yep, total disregard

I see a small shop cross the street
Can’t read the hieroglyphs
The tell take snake sign, though, that’s it
A pharmacy for sniffs
We both walk in, I take the note
My father gave me, and
-- here really starts the anecdote
“Does someone understand?”

“Hey, white boy, show me what you got”
Her voice clear as a bell
Her face, what can I say, she’s hot!
As if you couldn’t tell
The piece of paper in my hand
Is in Chinese of course
I hand it to her, and just stand
My voice suddenly hoarse

She looks at it, and starts to laugh
So beautiful, but wait
The kind of laugh that cuts in half
My heart doubles its rate
“wwwwhat’s wrong”, I blurt out, in a rush
What was this cursed chore?
“That’s a request for Chinese Brush
That what you came here for?”

Still not a clue, I’m like, “it’s paste?
For teeth or for your gums?”
She laughs again, my god, that waist
My ears do feel like drums
“It is for men, no, not for teeth”
She tells me it’s a scam
It’s then I wish the ground beneath
Would take me as I am

“It’s for my dad”, I stammer then
Will she believe my truth?
“I didn’t know it was for men
I thought it’s for his tooth”
She laughs again, bit kinder now
And hands me a small box
I pay, I don’t remember how
And run like from the pox

Been forty years, I am a dad
A grandfather of four
But let me say, I’ve never had
A more embarrassing chore
Wow forty years, I’m miles away
But I still count my luck
Though overweight, and mostly gray
Not been back to that block

Author notes: This is absolutely a true story, happened in New York City, in 1981. For those curious, this is a SFW search https://www.google.com/search?q=what+is+chinese+brush

I silently invoke Diana’s name
and ask her blessing for the arrow’s path.
Old habits dying hard, I know my aim;
the goddess’ old stag I seek, her wrath

does not deter me and my bow is strung.
He walks among the trees, his crown unbowed.
I’ll take him through his heart, or through his lung.
Diana, do you hear me, I am proud!

I need no benediction for my hunt.
What are those bells of laughter that I hear?
No matter, she can’t make my arrow blunt.
I need a single shot, I’ll need no spear.

You’re dead, old king, the arrow sings in flight
Its peacock feathers startling the snow
The shot rings true. I scream: "It’s done!" as bright
red foam escapes my lips and falls below.

My huntress, you are savoring your kill
Your triumph seeming total as my breath
grows shallow, but know this: it was my will.
And now, no longer yours, I welcome death.

Author notes: Diana (the Roman version of Artemis), virgin goddess of the hunt https://www.worldhistory.org/artemis/

I try to put food on the table
At least in so far as I’m able
But recent inflation
Drives constant frustration
And I’m feeling very unstable

Light doesn’t seek escape from a black hole
No, contrary to common expectation
It revels in the giant’s gravitas
And carousels around it, with each pass
So hoping to accelerate, alas
In vain it seeks that quantum incantation
No shifting Doppler gears, no stellar gas
No Schrödinger surprise or tiny mass
No tacky tachyon who likes to go first class
It cannot get enough acceleration
And finally gives up its very soul

Sitting on my porch, looking at the harvest moon
I am old Wan-Hoo, who dreamed of reaching heaven
I am Armstrong, stepping off the ladder
I am a chiseled chin astronaut demigod
Making a triumphant return
Then she says: stop rocking so, old fool
Or you will fall off your chair

Author notes: Entering as we are the golden age of private space flight (or so I hope), thought of this little piece.

Remember when we thought we were alone?
And made fun of how Sagan said “billions”?
Then we started pointing our telescopes
At the newly discovered Kepler planets
The transmissions started pouring in:
They offered to save our planet
In exchange for new first run episodes
Of Days of Our Lives

Author notes: The Bruce Springsteen song that gave me the idea and title https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAlDbP4tdqc

Morning commute, the same routine
I’m staring at my shiny screen
“Hey brother, can you spare a dime?
And I will shift your paradigm”
Intrigued, I gesture with my phone
He moves his near, I hear the tone
And suddenly, Leia appears
Right in midair, man, it's been years!
Since I last saw it on TV
When Disney meant something to me
“Wow, it looks great!”, I tell the man
“Is that your app? You have a plan?"
He smiles and gestures, like a trace
She reaches out, touches my face
Wait, what??? I feel it on my skin
“You’re kidding me!” I see his grin
“I need you!”, Leia says, “right now!
I don’t have enough time for how”
Then sparks descend upon my head
And I am in a cave instead
Here’s Luke besides me, and R2
“That’s paradigm enough for you?”
It fades away, he clicks his screen
“How did it feel? You’re still between?”
“Oh man, so when do you release?
Please, put me on the beta, please!”
He chuckles and holds out his hand
“The dime please…”
And I understand

Author notes: I build AR and VR experiences for a living, so this was a fun ditty to write

She hissed as her color turned green
“I swallow it whole, site unseen?
And this golden fish
Will it grant me a wish?
Why can’t it be aquamarine?”

“It’s too late for wishes” I said
“Do swallow, or you’ll seem quite dead”
This essential oil
Will not let you spoil
And soon you’ll look fit to be wed

OR.......

Star Trek Featuring Monty Python

An alien chick from Orion
Attractive, through no lack of tryin’
A pill with a fish
Is her daily dish
Her life is like no Life of Bryan

She pines, yes she’s waiting for Kirk
Though she’s heard that he is quite a jerk
Yes, Biggus’ be better
He wrote her a letter
Like Spock he is going berserk

Check, she says…

I look at her, and…
I do not think of her threatening queen
I do not think of her staunchly defended rooks
I do not think of her menacing elephantine bishops
Nor do I think of her armored knights
I look at her, and all I can think of is…
Mate, please mate

Author notes: https://allpoetry.com/poem/15986302-chessboard-by-cloudling.

Was it an apple or an orange
that William Tell shot off his head?
Perhaps a tangerine instead,
or better yet, a ripe old melon,
exploding as the chap was yellin’.
Perhaps. It’s easier to grapple
with rhyming about that red apple.
Certainly easier than orange.
Even if standing within bow range

They told me: a construction job
But first we need to shrink you
How big? No bigger than a fob
But you will have your own crew

I asked, shrink how? They said some ray
Some Hollywood invention
I thought a bit, then said, ok
With little apprehension

So I walk in, and there’s this…gun
That’s looking kind of scary
I start to think, what have I done?
But it’s too late to worry

Where the gun points, I see a desk
And on it, yeah, this IS nuts
Some peapods, and, this is grotesque
Some tiny folks in hard hats

No, I did not have too much sauce
I ask, what are they doing?
They’re building something for the Boss
His kid will be reviewing

What kind of a review is this?
And why the little sizes
This is a realistic piece
That’s what he emphasizes

That’s realistic??? There’s no way!
Plus, this can’t be compliant?
The kid is ten, what can I say
He likes to be the Giant

This whole thing is a movie take
For Jake and that damned Beanstalk?
If he’s the Giant, who’s the Jake?
Oh, hell, let’s have a quick talk

And that is truly how, my friends
I did become an actor
Shrinking myself for that there lens
Was the deciding factor

Vegan poetry is distinguished
from Vogon poetry
by only two letters
But in those two letters
Full as they are of broccoli and spinach
And all that goodness
Lies a whole galaxy

Author notes: 32 words.  And of course, Vogons https://hitchhikers.fandom.com/wiki/Vogon_poetry